Shred meat

Once upon a time, we just let our superheroes be superheroes. You knew that Batman’s parents died at the opera or whatever, but it wasn’t until that gritty reboot movie that we actually got the dirty details about how a billionaire playboy started fighting crime as a costumed bat.

When they inevitably do the same thing for Wolverine, we’re hoping it opens with him as a young boy, masterfully slashing away at his pork roast to make sandwiches using a set of these mildly menacing meat-shredding claws. We also hope they’re open to a product placement deal. (Movie producers: if you’re reading this, we have dozens of dollars reserved for this opportunity.)

And yes, we know there was a Wolverine movie already, but quite frankly, if it didn’t include handheld kitchen claws, it was not sufficiently gritty.

Regardless, we happen to think these are cool and functional enough to make for a great buy, Hugh Jackman endorsement or no Hugh Jackman endorsement. If you have even occasional meat slashing needs, we assume you’re just a few seconds away from getting these bad boys ordered.

Of course, if your meat slashing needs are minimal, you know we have a backup deal for you. Just check out today’s bonus deal of a Somacare Digital TENS Muscle Stimulation Unit for $15.

It shocks you a little bit. Not a great help in the kitchen, but seems like a good way to get some super powers…or at the very least a little deep tissue muscle relaxation.