A Bedtime Story

…and so Goldilocks continued skipping along the wooded path, gathering berries in her wicker basket and casing houses that she might want to break into uninvited. First, she came to Owl’s house, but Owl had a WiFi-connected smart doorbell with night vision that uploads wirelessly to the cloud. Then she came to Sheep’s house, but Sheep was sitting on the front porch with a jug of moonshine and a look that said to keep moving.

Finally, Goldilocks came upon the house of The Three Bears, apparently unattended yet absolutely hotboxed to the rafters with the dank smell of hot porridge.

Long story, short…she ruined lunch, broke some chairs, and went upstairs to bed. The relative levels of firmness for various mattresses aside, what she really noticed were the Snuggle Pro Premium Weighted Blankets (with Duvet Covers), which were spread across each.

First, she curled up beneath the 5-pound blanket. She found that the firm but gentle pressure reduced her anxiety and instilled a sense of calm, but since apparently beggars can be choosers, she felt it was a bit too light and moved on to the next bed.

Then, she curled up beneath the 15-pound blanket. This one was perfection, nicely dialing in the scientifically-studied phenomenon of Deep Touch Pressure, creating an ideal environment for peaceful rest and reflection.

But never one to quit while she was ahead, Goldilocks then crawled under the heaviest blanket, where she was promptly rendered immobile and then later eaten by bears.

The moral of the story, obviously, is not to break into houses and to make sure to choose the right blanket for you. We’ve got all three, and every one of them is a great deal. There’s also a bonus deal, a 5-Pack of TrackR Pixels with Extra Batteries for $5, which you can use to track everything from your car keys to your entitled blonde forest brat.

Rest well.