Mediocritee Unlaunch by Dan Zettwoch


ALL EMPLOYEE MEMO: Important closing procedures

As we wind down our time here at Mediocritee, please keep the following in mind:

  1. The deadline to turn in your badge to the framing department is by noon on Friday, March 31st. Those badges will be signed by our CEO and then framed. You should receive your signed and framed badge within sixteen weeks. And remember: having your badge signed and framed is mandatory and will be deducted from your final paycheck.

  2. Said final paychecks will arrive not in dollars but in Easties, the only cryptocurrency whose value fluctuates in accordance with the temperature in Eastport, Maine, so if you have not added Eastport to your weather app, we advise you do so immediately.

  3. Any unused vacation time will be paid out in gift certificates that can be put to use with our newly launched cruise line, Mediocri-sea.

  4. We will be rehoming all three of our office iguanas: Axel, the too-cool iguana with a surprisingly thoughtful side; Claude, the iguana with European sensibilities; and Marie, the iguana from the big city who’s about to learn what small town living is all about. If you’d like an iguana, contact the iguana wrangling department immediately. If no one claims an iguana, we will choose someone at random for rehoming. And yes, we are legally allowed to force an iguana onto any employee we please. If you don’t believe us, check your contract.

Thank you for all of your hard work. Please vacate the building by 5pm on Friday, March 31st. Anyone still here will be locked inside until some other company rents the space.



There’s a moment during the extended action sequence near the end of Hot Fuzz when Danny and Sgt. Angel come up against the town doctor. “I brought you into this world, Danny, so it’s only fitting I take you out of it,” he says (more-or-less; we’re quoting from memory here).

Well, St. Louis artist Dan Zettwoch could say the same thing about this site. He helped us launch it, and now he’s helping us un-launch it. But he’s more than a creator/destroyer of shirt sites. He’s also published several books such as Birdseye Bristoe, Amazing Facts & Beyond, and CARS: Engines that Move You.

For more of his stuff, check out his website or follow him on Twitter.


  • Model: Next Level brand 3600/3900
  • Condition: New
  • Design: Used Cars, Miami Auto
  • Shirt Color: Heavy Metal, Black
  • Ink Disclaimer: We use plastisol, water base, or a combination of the two to get the softest highest quality prints
  • 100% Combed Ring-Spun Cotton
  • Tear-away label
  • Sizing Chart (Unisex Sizing)


  • Waterbased inks are more like a dye that absorbs into the fabric when printed
  • They have a much softer feel and a more retro or worn look
  • The colors are softer and less saturated than plastisol ink
  • Plastisol inks are made with plastic and sit on the surface of the fabric rather than absorbing as the waterbased inks do
  • Plastisol is very durable and can be felt on the fabric
  • The colors in a design printed with plastisol are brighter and more vibrant than those printed with waterbased inks
  • We decide if a shirt is going to be printed in waterbased ink or plastisol based on the art and the color of the shirt that’s going to be used


90 days