The princes and princesses of old would have whole teams of attendants taking care of their every bedtime need and comfort in pursuit of a good night’s rest. The titans of 1980s industry would pamper themselves to sleep after pushing in their telescoping phone antennas and using a giant remote control to close the blinds, probably with synth-heavy music playing in the background.
Basically, for like a thousand years, humans pursued various iterations of a decent nighttime ritual. Then a decade or two ago, everyone from daily deal website writers to global leaders started scrolling anxiety-inducing social media feeds in the unhealthy blue glow of our screens until eventually passing out before waking up exhausted, predictably anxious, and generally miserable. (If you were still scrolling when the email about this deal came through, you really messed up, friend.)
Well, it’s time to get back to basics. And while of course it is possible to do that without buying a single thing, we’d like to help you leverage the retail consumer pleasure center of your brain by giving you a handy little sleep kit to ease you in. We’ll even send you two of them, so you can encourage a loved one to join you on this journey of pleasant restfulness.
Or keep both for yourself. Wake up rested and run mental circles around all the doom-scrolling zombies you’ve left behind.
After all, a good night of sleep is kinda magic.